Re: Sunday night’s date
From: Feb. 24th, 2008
Author: Dunn Neugebauer
Additional comments: Please help
I left the house remembering all three rules of dating. 1) Don’t burp; 2) don’t fart; and 3) Hide all John Denver and Bee Gees CD’s under the car seat where she’ll think I’m cool.
I was dressed casually (jockstrap and sunglasses), while she looked suave in her jeans and sweater tied around her neck. We went Mexican – some place with a normal Mexican name that I’ve already forgotten. The hostess spoke no English and didn’t understand my dialect of ‘southern mixed with hangover’.
The subject of conversation was simple – OUR MIXED ALTA TEAM! In my story, of course, I was the hero – diving into the fence for loose balls, hitting magnificent shots between my legs and even banging my face into the net post between games just for pure adrenaline. She was impressed (either that or she feared I was lying). The damn waiter kept interrupting my lies – I mean, my story – by bringing us food and Corona beers. Couldn’t remember where the truth ended and my journalistic license began.
Fast forward: Not knowing whether we’re “just friends” or advancing into the stage of TV dinners by the fireplace while watching re-runs of Columbo in a romantic heap, I was very confidence-lacking as I walked her to the door. Still, being a member of the Final Four ALTA team and mustering up full nerve, I made the big move at the door, opting for the hug with a suck-on-her-face wrestling maneuver.
She turned her head and I ended up kissing her somewhere along the left ear lobe. For the record, sticking your tongue in a looped ear ring is not for the faint hearted and please, please, do not try this at home. She laughed, while I was speechless and literally, tongue tied.
Advice needed: Please send all help and correspondence to “Dear Dunny”. Deadline for submissions is next Tuesday (she’s going out of town I was told). Need help.
Sincerely,
Single in Atlanta and starting to get used to it,
Dunn Neugebauer
ALTA team member
Sportswriter
Nerd
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